Our Sigil and Words

This is just an explanation of our sigil and words. If you’re looking for the full story of House Morningwood, visit the maester. He can also help you if it burns when you pee.

The Badge and Motto of House Morningwood

Coat of Arms:  Cendrée, a spear, Gules brunâtre proper, bendwise sinister beneath a fiery sun Or, in the fourth quarter two roundels azure, a bordure sable.

The sigil of House Morningwood

Some folks have asked if those were blue balls, and the spear behind the sun a phallic reference. Well…the name of the house is morning wood, and our motto is, rise before dawn, so wtf do you think?

Words:  Rise Before Dawn

Seat: Freedom, OK

Current Lord: Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore

Region: ‘Merica and the Frigid North of Frozen Canadia

The House Morningwood SigilTitle:  First Lord of Morningwood, Autarch of Nancy’s Squat & Gobble, Protector of Pervert Row at All Three Stages, Self Proclaimed Arbiter of What Is Right and Just, etc. etc. etc.

Ancestral Weapon: Kindness 2

Overlord: None. Wait, George Washington.

Founder: Swingin’ Dick Kilgore and Jake “Slim” Call

Founded: One night when they were drunk.

1Hat tip to Westeros.org for the template for writing up a noble house.

2Kindness is a gloriously well maintained, quite likely ensorcelled,  1917-built M1918 Winchester B.A.R. (Browning Automatic Rifle) with every possible high-end component. We’ll be writing the full story of Kindness very soon. 


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10 Reasons We Like Amazons | Frightened and Aroused

Penthiselea, Trigona, Euboea, Aella, Menalippe…they’re hawt.

Same as Hannah Duston, Bibi Dalair Kaur, Rose Kabuye, and Julia Bringloe.

The release of the Justice League feature film a few months ago, and its pending availability on DVD (should be here in March), has rekindled interest in the Amazons of Themyscira — at least inside House Morningwood’s walls. The story of how the various actresses, stunt-women, and fighters trained to portray the Amazons is a good one, as you can see in the video below (which was shot before the Wonder Woman movie, not Justice League, btw).

Continue reading “10 Reasons We Like Amazons | Frightened and Aroused”

Sworn Swords: All Who Have Declared for Morning Wood!

The sigil of House Morningwood

Here shalt though find a reckoning of all who hath sworn to Great House Morningwood. Rise before dawn!

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Smallfolk: the wretched peasants of House Morningwood.
Wretched, worthless, mud-grubbing peasants they might be, but these Smallfolk are our miserable worthless peasants!

Become one of our Smallfolk.

Learn more about our Smallfolk.


Bannermen: one type of House Morningwood "Sworn Sword".
It is a brutish sort that wears the House sigil of Morning Wood, but they’re loyally and dependably brutish (and anyway, they’re our brutes). Omar Little, Titus Pullo, Saucerhead Thorpe, and PFC William Hudson were bannermen, though not everyone knows it.

Become a Bannerman.

Learn more about our Bannermen.

Hedge Knights

Hedge knights of House Morningwood bear our sigil and do most of the dirty work - they may not be pretty, but they can fight!
Hedge Knight of House Morningwood. They fight with honor and for a cause (not always necessarily the same thing). Many of our hedge knights have hairy, scabbed knuckles from all that dragging on the ground. Owen Zastava Pitt, Duncan the Tall, and Cpl. Dwayne Hicks — Hedge Knights, all of ’em.


Become a Hedge Knight.

Learn more about the House Morningwood Hedge Knights.

Bastard Knights

The Bastard Knight House Morningwood must display the bend sinister on the House sigil.
The “natural born” knight of some houses might be looked down upon, but not here at House Morningwood. Here those with surname Bone are well regarded and well treated (and, in fairness, expected to do a lot of our necessary dirty work). Aegor Rivers, John Wick, Lorraine Broughton, and Frank Hamer were all bastard knights.

Knights of House Morningwood

Those who bear this knightly sigil also sport knightly wood.
Those who bear this knightly sigil also sport knightly wood (and they’re doughty warriors, too…though morning wood in armor can be uncomfortable). Barristan the Bold, John Quixote, and John Hartigan were all true knights.


Lords and Ladies of House Morning Wood

Game of Thrones House Sigils - this is the sigil of the Lords of Morning Wood
The Lords and Ladies of Morningwood are the noblest, lordliest, most magnificent (and munificent) of all sworn to Morning Wood.


Game of Thrones sigils - this is the emblem of the great House Morningwood



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Tactical gear and training at the Morningwood Bazaar

Tactical gear at the Tactical Buyers Club, aka House Morningwood Bazaar

The Morningwood Bazaar. It includes all the companies you see above and more.

It is a members-only marketplace open only to those who support us on Patreon; a great, bustling (virtual) souk of awesomeness providing unique buying privileges to our members.

In other words, you save a fuckton of money when you buy gear, guns, ammo, or (sometimes) training.

Continue reading “Tactical gear and training at the Morningwood Bazaar”