Jeff de Boer is a potential House Chillycock armorer due to his location in the frozen north. We have considered having him bend the knee because he is an extremely talented artist. After our recent article on dog armor we figured we would see what other pets that could be sent into battle.
This is just an explanation of our sigil and words. If you’re looking for the full story of House Morningwood, visit the maester. He can also help you if it burns when you pee.
The Badge and Motto of House Morningwood1
Coat of Arms: Cendrée, a spear, Gules brunâtre proper, bendwise sinister beneath a fiery sun Or, in the fourth quarter two roundels azure, a bordure sable.
Some folks have asked if those were blue balls, and the spear behind the sun a phallic reference. Well…the name of the house is morning wood, and our motto is, rise before dawn, so wtf do you think?
Words: Rise Before Dawn
Seat: Freedom, OK
Current Lord: Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore
Region: ‘Merica and the Frigid North of Frozen Canadia
Ancestral Weapon: Kindness 2
Overlord: None. Wait, George Washington.
Founder: Swingin’ Dick Kilgore and Jake “Slim” Call
Founded: One night when they were drunk.
1Hat tip to Westeros.org for the template for writing up a noble house.
2Kindness is a gloriously well maintained, quite likely ensorcelled, 1917-built M1918 Winchester B.A.R. (Browning Automatic Rifle) with every possible high-end component. We’ll be writing the full story of Kindness very soon.
Magazines and survival websites oftimes feature amazing survival and bushcraft gear in them, but they come at a price the average person just can’t swing. Here are a few of things that make it into my bag, all items even the smallfolk can afford.
Here’s something feculent to think about.
There are three major logistical realities of pre-industrial warfare that many fiction writers (and armchair generals) never consider. Much of it has to do with manure. They are outlined below.
Penthiselea, Trigona, Euboea, Aella, Menalippe…they’re hawt.
Same as Hannah Duston, Bibi Dalair Kaur, Rose Kabuye, and Julia Bringloe.
The release of the Justice League feature film a few months ago, and its pending availability on DVD (should be here in March), has rekindled interest in the Amazons of Themyscira — at least inside House Morningwood’s walls. The story of how the various actresses, stunt-women, and fighters trained to portray the Amazons is a good one, as you can see in the video below (which was shot before the Wonder Woman movie, not Justice League, btw).
Qyburn had the right idea when he took control of the “little birds” who previously served Lord Varys as Master of Whispers. In fact, we thought it was such a good idea (on the part of both spymasters) that we conscripted our own child army.
Here shalt though find a reckoning of all who hath sworn to Great House Morningwood. Rise before dawn!
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⚠️ Not always SFW (safe for work)!
The Morningwood Bazaar. It includes all the companies you see above and more.
It is a members-only marketplace open only to those who support us on Patreon; a great, bustling (virtual) souk of awesomeness providing unique buying privileges to our members.
In other words, you save a fuckton of money when you buy gear, guns, ammo, or (sometimes) training.